HW 18 Health & Illness & Feasting

To our family Thanksgiving is one of those times of the year that is simply reliable: we know exactly what to expect. I say this because ever since my Grandmother's house burned down in 2001 (my grand uncle Sandy died in this fire), our holidays and vacations as a family have never been the same. Almost immediately after the fire (this was just before 9/11, mind you) and during the construction of the new house my Grandfather died from an obscure infection. Ever since this catastrophic turn of events in our family it seems like our get-togethers have never been the same. Over many holidays and vacations in the past decade we have seen many outsiders come and go in our intimate family gatherings. Christmas, while it still remains my favorite time of the year due to tradition (mainly the one where I get loads of free goodies) has become bastardized into something reminiscent of an open house where anyone, no matter your relationship with the family are welcome to partake in our most sacred of traditions.

But back to Thanksgiving. I say this is one of the most reliable times of the year because it still keeps true to what made our family get-togethers so enjoyable: the family. The awkwardness of the outsider is rare on this holiday and it is one of the last remaining times of the year where we can just be comfortable with ourselves because we know each other's stories so well. What I mean by this is similar to what I meant in my last post when I said I felt misunderstood by people who don't know that I cared for my father during and after his death. When I meet new people in an intimate environment I usually find myself trying to make an impression, but instead of one that is illustrative of my pain and suffering I end up creating an image of comedy, like I am silly and do not spend time to contemplate the meaning of illness and dying. This of course is false, and although I do see myself as a pretty funny personality I regret that so few people understand my other half. When outsiders are around at Thanksgiving, Christmas or Passover it is inevitable that this will come into play.

Thanksgiving can also be a time of unreliability, as I witnessed that this was the time of year when my father was diagnosed with cancer. Of course I was not informed yet, my mother waited for a more suitable time to tell my brother and I.

This Thanksgiving was a good one, with some of the BEST mashed potatoes in the world thanks to my aunt Karen. This is a meal that is only second to the one I look forward to most: Grandma's Matzoh Ball Soup (which unfortunately I won't be here for this Passover!). This meal was meant for nothing more than to stuff ourselves senselessly, and when desert came I stuck to a modest plate of whipped cream (yes JUST whipped cream. Stop looking at me like that.). Pretty much everyone helped with the dinner (except for those of us who showed up late. Guess who.), and every one of us enjoyed it. Of course there were empty chairs at the table but in the end we were happy to be sharing this holiday with those of us still around.

When it comes to the topic of illness and dying at our table most of our conversations were lighthearted. Not long ago my brother stepped on a toothpick in his dorm room which plunged into the ball of his foot. He was sent to the emergency room when he attempted to pull it out and the outer half broke off, leaving the inner half in his foot. After much operating, the doctors could not get the toothpick out, and he was told it is to stay inside his foot forever. For a drumming performance major at music school who cannot use his left foot or walk at all this is some tragedy! Most of our conversation (which was full of laughter, mind you) was trying to solve the mystery of just how the friggen' thing got stuck up there! He and I tried to play ping pong afterward (we positioned him in a rolling chair that actually worked quite well), and being the skilled player that he is was still able to bat the ball around with finesse. Other than toothpick impalement, illness and dying was pretty much absent from the table conversation. It was a delightful Thanksgiving that will surely be remembered because of this silly incident, and I hope that illness and dying may stay out of the equation for some Thanksgivings to come.